The Manager Yak

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In Internal Family Systems (IFS), the mind is viewed as a collection of different parts, each playing a role in protecting and managing our inner world. Among these, Managers are the diligent strategists—constantly working behind the scenes to keep us functional, productive, and, most importantly, safe from emotional distress. Unlike Firefighters, who react impulsively when emotional pain threatens to surface, Managers focus on long-term control, ensuring that painful memories and vulnerabilities (Exiles) remain buried and out of sight.

What Do Managers Do?

Managers take on proactive roles, shaping our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions to maintain stability. They often manifest as perfectionism, overachievement, people-pleasing, or hyper-vigilance. Their primary goal is to ensure that Exiles—our wounded, vulnerable parts—stay hidden, so we don't have to feel the overwhelming emotions attached to them.

For instance, someone with a strong Manager part might meticulously plan every aspect of their life, believing that control prevents chaos. Others may rely on rigid self-discipline, working long hours or constantly seeking validation to avoid feeling inadequate or unworthy. Some Managers show up as harsh inner critics, convincing us that if we just work harder or improve ourselves, we’ll never have to experience rejection or failure.

Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles: The IFS Triangle

Managers work in tandem with Firefighters, though their strategies are different. While Managers aim to prevent emotional wounds from surfacing, Firefighters jump into action when Exiles break through. For example, if an Exile’s sadness starts creeping in, a Manager might push someone to keep busy and suppress emotions through work. If that doesn’t work, a Firefighter might take over, leading to impulsive behaviors like overeating, drinking, or distraction through entertainment.

The Exile, at the core of this system, is often a younger, hurt part of the self—perhaps a childhood memory of rejection, shame, or abandonment. Managers and Firefighters both exist to protect this wounded part, but they operate differently. While Managers attempt to maintain order and prevent pain from surfacing, Firefighters are reactionary, stepping in when all else fails.

How to Work With Your Managers

In IFS therapy, the goal isn’t to eliminate Managers, but rather to help them trust the overarching Self—the wise, compassionate core that can lead with balance. When Managers learn that Self can handle difficult emotions without being overwhelmed, they begin to relax, allowing Exiles to be acknowledged and healed rather than suppressed.

A good way to start engaging with your Managers is through curiosity. Instead of fighting against perfectionism or self-criticism, try asking:

• What are you trying to protect me from?

• What would happen if you didn’t work so hard?

• What do you need to trust Self more?

By acknowledging and respecting the role of Managers, we create space for true healing. Rather than living in a cycle of avoidance and reaction, we can embrace a more balanced, integrated way of being—where all parts are heard, understood, and guided by the Self.

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Lane
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